So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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