We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sarcasm needs its own font
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
