Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
