The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
