Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
