he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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