My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
