if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
