I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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