i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
