guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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