My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
