So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
