I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
