I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
