I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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