Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
