Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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