Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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