I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
