Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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