he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
