we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I understand Curling. That high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
