ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
