I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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