69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
