I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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