Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
