We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
