Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
