who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
