apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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