just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
