Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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