Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
