Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
