I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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