listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
