She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were trust falling into bushes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
