u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
