question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
