you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
