Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
