dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
