Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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