The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize