i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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