i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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