lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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