Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
