my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
