i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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