Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
