I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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