why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want nice things and good sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
