I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
