He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
