thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
