There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
