So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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