My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
