Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
