yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
