cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
