i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
