I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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